


Being a human, and all it includes

by Pearlislove



Series: Vastra/Jenny (Doctor Who) [1]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-23
Updated: 2017-02-23
Packaged: 2018-09-26 11:46:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9895157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pearlislove/pseuds/Pearlislove
Summary: Vastra comes to terms with what she is and is not, and Jenny help her.TW: Mentioned/Mild self-harm





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [YOLO1882](https://archiveofourown.org/users/YOLO1882/gifts).



> Some Vastra/Jenny fluff & angst. Warning for minor implied self-harm
> 
> Gifted to YOLO1882 because I'm yet to finish my other fic for you so here you go!

“Vastra?” Slowly making her way out of the kitchen, tea tray in hand, Jenny called out for her lover. She didn’t know where she had went after they had returned from Scotland Yard, only that she’d been in an awful hurry, and was hoping that some tea and love from her favourite mammal would sooth her obviously upset mood.

 

It had been a bad day at the Scotland Yard. They’d come in to take a look at some rather gruesome murders of wealthy, respectable citizens and see if they could help them find some leads. Unfortunatly, it had quickly gone downhill from there.

There had been a new officer around, a Mr.Bartholomew Rusk, who’d been critical to even allowing women near The Yard, much less have the help the case. The hole thing had only gotten worse as he also saw Vastra’s face underneth the veil, and went on to express his disgust and hatred over it in a ruder and more gruesome sounding manner than any of the other detectives ever had.

 

Normally, Vastra would brush away such insolence to her persona, not giving it even half a thought. In front of Jenny, she had acted as though it didn’t bother her now, either, but Jenny could easily see that it hurt. Vastra’s eyes had been filled with pain, and it hadn't taken long for the harassment to stun her into uncharacteristically obedient silence, trying to make it as though she was not there in hopes the harassment would stop.

 

Only it didn’t. The Detective, sensing his attacks were working, did not cease his insult and Vastra kept retreating more and more into herself. It was hard for them to help find leads when Vastra refused to speak, so much sooner than they’d expected they were out of there again, heading back to their home on Paternoster street, where Jenny would make tea, and Vastra would go sulk.

 

“Vastra? Ma’am, are you in there?” Jenny’s comes to the conservatory, now, knowing that it was her wife’s favourite place to be in the entire hours, and was politely knocking on the door. Not knocking was, beside the the English weather, one of the things her wife hated the most. It was hard for Vastra to keep up a cool and collected appearance when she didn’t know when people would appear before her, and therefor she appreciated the knocking for it as kind of warning for when she needed to get her facade in place.

 

Waiting several moments, Jenny received no answer from the other room, however, but just to be certain and avoid upsetting her wife further, Jenny still leaned in against the door and still precariously balancing the tea tray in one hand as she listened. She was about to call out for her again, too,  but the thought abandoned her as she took in the sounds from the other side.

 

There was an oddly dry noise, like someone trying to cry though they had no tears to shed, dry heaving and breathing heavily without any wet noises to follow. Each such sound was followed by a tiny exclamation of pain, an agonizing moan that kept repeating together with the dry sobs.

 

For several moments, Jenny was stunned. Ear against the door, she kept listening, as if spelled into not moving an inch, until finally, she heard her wife’s voice from the other sound.

 

“The disease, or whatever you might call it, is so atrocious and disfiguring that one can hardly tell there is supposed to be something human underneath it! You might as well be an _animal_!” Vastra’s voice is shaking as she repeat one of the insults the new officer at Scotland Yard had said earlier, and it was promptly followed by the scratching of scales against scales, and another sound of pain.

 

Hearing her wife repeating one of the insults the clueless man had cruelly tossed at her, Jenny dropped the tea tray with a crash as she forced the doors to the conservatory open and rushed inside, ready to do something that she wasn’t quite sure what it was but not being able to simply stand on the other side and listen anymore.

 

As soon as she came in, she stopped again, and in no little part because of her wife’s high pitched yelling that erupted as soon as she caught sight of her. “Jenny, get out! OUT!” It was frantic and desperate but not threatening as her wife sometimes could be, and it made no difference for Jenny, for she had already seen what he wife did not want her too.

 

She had seen Vastra sitting on a pillow by the fire, tightly clutching one of her wrists which was covered in smeared blood. At least it looked like blood, red and thick and smeared across her wife’s petite wrist as she held onto it tight with her other hand.

 

“Jenny, please go.” There is much less conviction in her voice, now, and Vastra is not meeting her eyes as she stare down upon the floor boards beside her. There are specks of red splattered upon them, droplets that had fallen from the wounded wrist.

 

Jenny has never been more certain of something she won't do. “I won't leave.” She tells Vastra firmly, gulping down an extra deep breath of air as she carefully try and approach her wife, stretching out to grab her wrist.

 

Almost immediately though, Vastra flinched, trying to pull away her blood smeared limb as Jenny reached for it, until finally she was cornered with the fire behind her back, and found that she had no choice but to offer her wrist for Jenny to observe.

 

Being ever so careful not to hurt Vastra, she produced a hand kiefer that she used to carefully wipe away the blood from the wound, wanting to see what exactly caused it. When most of the blood has been removed, new blood not quite having had time to fill up the surface of the wounds yet, it suddenly becomes abundantly clear to Jenny what's happened, and more so, why Vastra had been unwilling to show it to her.

 

Scales, three rows of them to be exact, are missing from Vastra’s wrist, and by the deep, fleshy, bleeding wounds in her soft skin where they used to sit Jenny sees that they’ve mercilessly been ripped out of the soft skin. But the most horrifying thing, as Jenny saw it, was that she knew, _she knew_ that the only person who had been alone with Vastra for long enough to rip out the scales that day - the scars were so fresh it couldn’t have happened any other day - was Vastra herself.

 

“I’m sorry.” Vastra obviously realised, that Jenny had realised, and slowly, the lizard lifted her blue gaze to look at Jenny. “You were not supposed to find out. It's not your issue to deal with.” She was trying to retract her wrist, but Jenny held on, not caring about the blood that spilled on her fingers and intently staring Vastra in the eyes. She was not going to let her get away with this, not going to let her hid the damage and run away.

 

“Why did you do it?” She looks her in the eyes, tries to transfer all the love and trust she has in a  single heartfelt gaze that met her wife’s pained one, and leaned in to wrap her arms around the Silurians waist. “Don’t hide the damage, tell me.”

 

Almost automatically, Vastra’s arms sneaked around Jenny’s body as well and suddenly they were caught in a tight embrace, both of them holding on to the other as they waited for the truth to be unearthed. “I wanted to see, if it made me more human.” Vastra said at last, her voice wavering and cracking. “I know I am not as you...mammals are, but I thought…” She trails of, but it doesn't matter, because Jenny has already put the piece together. She recognise, that it's the new detective's fault. Vastra always tried her best to blend in, to appear human to the human eye, but the man’s ruthless comments had destroyed her hope of ever being something other could accept.

 

Despite knowing too well she wasn’t like them, she still tried so hard to be like them in every way she could.

 

“Oh, love. You don’t need to be human, I quite like the lizard you, ma’am.” She murmurs, softly, comforting, with her head against her lover's chest, and she think that she accepts her. She had married her daft old lizard on the conditions that they would always be true to themselves and eachother, and she didn’t think some man who obviously did not know what he was talking of to maker her question it.

 

The thought that the man’s comments drive her far enough to purposely and painfully harm herself, just to attempt to be something she was not, made her terrified and angry and protective. She wanted to protect the Silurian against hurt, both from others and herself, because they were partners and that's what partners did.

 

Vastra seemed to have been stunned by her words, but eventually, she produces some kind of shaky answer in a broken voice. “I just feel that I should be more human, though, for you… people judge hard as it is, without me appearing _inhuman_. I am human, I am from Earth! Just not that kind of Earth-inhabitant...” At the last exclamation, Jenny can hear her wife sobbing dryly, trying to cry though she lacked the ability to, and Jenny could feel her heart breaking.

 

“I don’t care!” She assured, reaching up to kiss her wife, who only blinked in surprise, right on the crest, repeating the action twice more before speaking again. “I really don't care that you're a daft, inhuman lizard from the dawn of time because you are _mine_ and I don’t want to ever see you hurting yourself like this again!” She can feel the tears rising in her own eyes and she kiss the Silurian on the crest a third time. “I married you for what you are and not for what other people expected you to be. No stupid inspectors from Scotland Yard will ever change that.”


End file.
